Domestic Violence Services 

If you or anyone you know are experiencing any form of domestic violence, please contact a local domestic violence advocate to discuss your concerns. If you or someone you know are in imminent physical or emotional danger, call 911 immediately.  

The City of Gig Harbor is dedicated to providing effective and innovative services to victims of domestic violence. The Gig Harbor Police Department, City Attorney, Municipal Court, and local Domestic Violence agencies are working together to efficiently and effectively respond to the needs of victims and their families by providing a coordinated response to family violence.

It is our intent to provide information on Domestic Violence via this website that will assist in educating the public about family violence, provide resource information and links that will assist victims, and promote community involvement in the detection, reporting, and prevention of domestic violence. 

Domestic Violence Definitions
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used by an individual to establish and maintain control over another individual. It is a cycle of abuse between family or household members involving physical harm, emotional abuse, sexual assault, or reasonable fear of harm.

Domestic Violence is generally perceived to be a problem that exists only in traditional, marriage relationships. The reality is that domestic violence can occur in ANY type of relationship where two (or more) people are related or living together. These relationships include marriages, partnerships, dating relationships, roommates, and blood-related family members (abusers and victims can be parents, children, siblings, grandparents, stepparents, etc). 

Domestic violence is a community and societal epidemic. It occurs in all different types of families. Perpetrators and victims of domestic violence come from all ethnic backgrounds, socioeconomic classes, religious affiliations, sexual orientations, professions, and ages. Domestic violence knows no boundaries.  

Obtaining Temporary Protection Orders via Kiosk
Local Resources for Assistance
What you can do to help prevent/stop domestic violence
Personal Safety Planning
The Dynamics of Domestic Violence: A Vicious Cycle
Facts and Myths About Domestic Violence
RED FLAGS - Warning Signs of Abusive Personalities
Domestic Violence and Children

Obtaining Protection Orders via Kiosk   The City of Gig Harbor is very excited to now offer a Protection Order Kiosk for our citizens.  The Kiosk is a freestanding computer program that allows Domestic Violence Victims to petition the court for an order of protection from Gig Harbor.  The computer kiosk provides confidential access to the Protection Order resources previously only available in downtown Tacoma.  The kiosk is located at 3510 Grandview Street, Gig Harbor, WA 98335.  There are advocates available to provide assistance with the Kiosk program.  

Through collaboration with the Pierce County Prosecutor’s Office the City of Gig Harbor hosts a Criminal Justice Victim Advocate whose essential role is to assist victims of Domestic Violence in charged criminal cases by:
 

Additionally, the City of Gig Harbor has a community advocate that is available to help educate victims of Domestic Violence, provide resources, and assist victims in applying for a Protection Order.

The Domestic Violence Kiosk is available to the public

Monday - Friday 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.

Use local resources for assistance                                           

 What you can do to help prevent/stop domestic violence  For volunteer opportunities or to become involved in domestic violence education programs or advocacy in the Gig Harbor community, please contact:
 

 Personal Safety Planning   If you are a victim, or know a victim, of domestic violence, one of the most important steps that you can take is to create a personal safety plan. Although victims do not have control over their partner’s behavior, they do have choices about how they respond to the abuser’s behavior. Victims also have the responsibility to keep themselves and their children safe. Here are some steps a victim can take to prepare if there are signs that the abusive behavior is escalating:
 

The Dynamics of Domestic Violence: A Vicious Cycle 
The Pattern of Violence, Power and Control: The cycle of violence is a dangerous one that is not easy to escape. Domestic violence often begins with emotional abuse. Many abusers overlap and use physical, emotional, and sexual violence to maintain control over a victim, and sometimes use these tactics individually.  

Types of abuse
Emotional abuse is a common control tactic and this type of abuse may manifest itself in the following ways:

• Putting the victim down or name-calling to lower self esteem

• Playing mind games and engaging in emotional blackmail

• Doing things to humiliate the victim in public, or in front of friends or family

• Making the victim feel guilty for personal or professional successes

• Telling the victim that s/he’s crazy Isolating the victim by controlling who s/he contacts and sees; limiting the victim’s ability to engage in outside activities

• Using guilt and jealousy to keep victim from friends and family

• Minimizing violence by making light of arguments and abuse; not taking victim’s concerns seriously

• Denying that anything happened  

• Manipulating the victim with lies and contradictions

• Blaming the victim

• Threatening physical violence for non-compliance with orders or requests

• Threatening to make the abuse worse

• Reminding the victim of previous physical violence and threatening to increase the force 

• Threatening to kill the victim if he/she leaves

 Physical abuse may include:

• Pushing or shoving

• Slapping, hitting, punching or kicking

• Restraining the victim

• Strangling the victim

• Throwing objects or breaking household/personal items

• Harming or excessively spanking children

• Denying the victim or children access to medical care

• Abandoning the victim or children in dangerous places or driving recklessly

• Harming or killing family pets

• Possibly killing the victim or children

Sexual abuse manifests itself in many ways, including:

• Calling the victim sexual names

• Touching the victim in ways that are uncomfortable or degrading to the victim 

• Forcing the victim to have sex or perform deviant sexual acts Insisting that the victim dress either more or less sexually than they normally would

• Minimizing or negating the victim’s feelings about sex or stating that marriage “entitles” him or her sexual access to the victim

• Requiring the victim to participate in group sex or “swinger’s clubs”

 RED FLAGS: Warning Signs of Abusive Personalities   Batterers use controlling behavior and violence because they have learned through experience that they can control their partners using these tactics.  Domestic violence is not a one-time event, but rather an on-going pattern of behavior and that it is a cycle of power and control. 

Some warning signs/abusive personality traits include:

• Hatred of the opposite gender

• Batterer came from a violent home life and/or hates his/her own parents   

• Refusal to take responsibility for his/her own actions

• Frequent sulking, brooding, whining. May use lies and guilt to manipulate people

• Overly critical of people, especially the victim

• Limited social circle or poor relationships with friends and family members

• Maintains control of money, family affairs, and victim’s access to resources (money, education, employment)

• Projects the image that they “know everything” and invalidates other’s opinions, knowledge and feelings

• Bad temper or frequent moodiness

• Has a difficult time keeping a job/or is chronically unemployed  

• Has had multiple marriages or multiple partners and is quick to commit to a serious relationship; may also disclose that they have perpetrated abuse in previous relationships

• Seems “too good to be  true” or seems to have a dual personality 

• Frequently engages in “rough and tough” behavior or acts like they have “somehing to prove”

• Owns, displays, and frequently cleans weapons 

This list of red flags and personality traits is not all-inclusive.
Remember to use your instinct and if you have any fear that your partner’s behavior is escalating or that you are in danger, call 911 or speak to a victim advocate.   

Facts and Myths About Domestic Violence
MYTH: Anger causes violence. Some people claim that violence is a response to anger.
FACT: Violence is a learned behavior. Anger is a normal human emotion, but violent actions are learned and chosen by the abuser.
Example:  As children, we learn very early on that violent and aggressive behavior can help us get what we want. Think of a child throwing a temper tantrum in a store; the child is screaming and the exhausted, embarrassed mother gives him/her a treat to keep the child quiet. The child has learned that screaming controls his mother’s actions. Similarly, batterers use intimating voices, looks, or threats to coerce his/her partner into complying with their demands.  

MYTH: Domestic violence is consensual.
FACT: Domestic violence is NOT consensual, and many victims do attempt to leave the relationship. Victims generally do not knowingly choose partners who are abusive, however, many victims find it difficult to leave once controlling and abusive behavior has begun.  

MYTH: Drug and/or alcohol use cause domestic violence.
FACT: Blaming external factors is a way for an abuser to avoid accepting personal responsibility for violent behavior. Substance abuse and domestic violence are two separate problems that often occur together, but one does not cause the other.

MYTH: Stress causes domestic violence.
FACT: Abusers use stress to justify abusing their partners.
Example:  If you were to ask a person that was experiencing job-related stress why they didn’t punch their boss, the response would most likely be, “Because I would get in trouble (got to jail, get fired) for that.” The implication of a statement like this is that it’s not acceptable to take out your frustrations on certain people, but that it is ok to harm others. This demonstrates that a clear choice has been made by the abuser to abuse his partner, rather than other individuals. 

“Why Doesn’t She (He) Leave?”   The most common question that the public and friends and family members ask domestic violence victims is, “Why don’t you just leave?” It is important to note that leaving, or planning to leave, a violent relationship is extremely dangerous for the victim. Seventy-five percent of all serious or fatal domestic violence assaults occur when the abuser suspects or discovers that the victim is planning to leave. Below are some of the complications that victims may face when they are considering leaving an abusive situation.  

Threats from the batterer:

• “If you leave me, I will kill you/myself.”

• “I will get the kids and you will never see them.”

• “No one will ever believe your story. Everyone thinks you’re crazy.”

• “I’ll call the police and tell them you’re the one who’s abusing me.”

• “If you leave me, I will find you. I will have my friends/family watching your every move.”

• “I’ll call your boss and get you fired from your job if you leave.”

• “You will be deported if you divorce me.”

• “I will tell everyone about your sexual orientation if you leave me.”

 Economic pressures

• Lacks work experience or formal education

• Little or no access to money and may be unable to afford moving

• Victim’s possessions (personal items, pets) may be destroyed by the batterer if left behind

• May fear losing children due to lack of employment, or may fear inability to obtain child support if s/he leaves

Family and community pressures

• May feel pressured by their cultural or religious communities or family members to stay with his/her partner or “try to make the marriage work”

• Fear of being perceived as a failure by her family or community if s/he choose to leave the relationship

• Fear that leaving an abusive relationship would be too difficult on the children and may feel guilty about “breaking up the family” 

Lack of (or perceived lack of) support and resources

• Feeling of being overwhelmed and powerless

• Fear of losing the support of their in-laws, children, and even his/her own family members

• Fear that the criminal justice system (police, courts, etc.) would not believe him/her or assist him/her

• Isolation may lead the victim to feel that his/her friends and other support networks are gone and that s/he would have no place to go if s/he left

• Some victims fear that community service agencies may not understand the traditions of their religions, race, or ethnic groups or the stigmas attached to seeking help

• Victims may lack the knowledge or resources for obtaining a divorce, receiving domestic violence counseling, or for navigating public assistance systems

 Love

• Despite emotional and physical abuse, many victims love their batters and have a difficult time accepting the fact that their partner is dangerous

• Victims often feel that they need to “help” their abuser, even if the person is extremely violent or if their own safety is in jeopardy

• Victims want to believe that anger management/batterer’s treatment/counseling will “change” the abuser

Domestic Violence and Children  When a child comes from a home with domestic violence, he/she may exhibit signs that the violence is affecting them. It is important to remember that children may not be able to verbalize what they have seen and what is truly bothering them and that their response to DV may be very different than that of an adult victim. Some warning signs in children are:

• Feeling guilty for not protecting the abused parent and for not being able to stop the violence

• Exhibiting signs of grieving for family and personal losses

• Fearful of abandonment, expressing feelings, fear of the unknown, and fear of personal injury 

• Feeling angry or resentful toward one or both parents for the chaos in their lives    

• Showing signs of depression (including lack of sleep, feeling helpless, lack of motivation, poor grades)

• Blaming others for their own behaviors or exhibiting violent tendencies (may have difficulty making or keeping friends)

• Complaining frequently of headaches, stomachaches, and other medical concerns Seems nervous or anxious and has a short attention span (often misdiagnosed as ADHD) Frequently tired and lethargic

• Regression (bedwetting, thumb sucking, temper tantrums)

• Engaging in high-risk play or bullying other children

• Self abuse, especially when angry or upset

If you feel that a child is in imminent physical danger, call 911. If you suspect that a child has witnessed or experienced abuse in their home, contact a professional at a local agency: 
Local Resources